Swift A MODEST PROPOSAL FOR PREVENTING THE CHILDREN OF POOR PEOPLE IN IRELAND FROM BEING A BURDEN TO THEIR PARENTS OR COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING THEM BENEFICIAL TO THE PUBLIC |
It is
a melancholy object to those who walk through this great town
or travel
in the
country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin
doors, crowded
with
beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six
children,
all in
rags and importuning every passenger for an alms. These
mothers,
instead of being
able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ
all
their time
in strolling to beg sustenance for their helpless infants: who
as they
grow up
either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear
native
country to
fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the
Barbadoes.
I
think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number
of
children in
the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers,
and
frequently of
their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the
kingdom a very
great
additional grievance; and, therefore, whoever could find out a
fair,
cheap, and
easy method of making these children sound, useful members of
the
commonwealth,
would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set
up for a
preserver of the nation.
But my
intention is very far from being confined to provide only for
the
children of
professed beggars; it is of a much greater extent, and shall
take in
the whole
number of infants at a certain age who are born of parents in
effect as
little
able to support them as those who demand our charity in the
streets.
As to
my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years upon
this
important
subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of other
projectors,
I have
always found them grossly mistaken in the computation. It is
true, a
child just
dropped from its dam may be supported by her milk for a solar
year,
with little
other nourishment; at most not above the value of 2s., which
the mother
may
certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful
occupation of
begging; and
it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for
them in
such a
manner as instead of being a charge upon their parents or the
parish,
or
wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they
shall on the
contrary contribute to the feeding, and partly to the
clothing, of many
thousands.
There
is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will
prevent
those
voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women
murdering their
bastard
children, alas! too frequent among us! sacrificing the poor
innocent
babes I
doubt more to avoid the expense than the shame, which would
move tears
and pity
in the most savage and inhuman breast.
The
number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one
million and
a half,
of these I calculate there may be about two hundred thousand
couple
whose wives
are breeders; from which number I subtract thirty thousand
couples who
are able
to maintain their own children, although I apprehend there
cannot be so
many,
under the present distresses of the kingdom; but this being
granted,
there will
remain an hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again
subtract fifty
thousand for those women who miscarry, or whose children die
by
accident or
disease within the year. There only remains one hundred and
twenty
thousand
children of poor parents annually born: the question therefore
is, how
this
number shall be reared and provided for, which, as I have
already said,
under
the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all
the
methods
hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them in
handicraft or
agriculture;
we neither build houses (I mean in the country) nor cultivate
land:
they can
very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing, till they arrive
at six
years
old, except where they are of towardly parts, although I
confess they
learn the
rudiments much earlier, during which time, they can however be
properly
looked
upon only as probationers, as I have been informed by a
principal
gentleman in
the county of Cavan, who protested to me that he never knew
above one
or two
instances under the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom
so
renowned for
the quickest proficiency in that art.
I am
assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl before twelve
years old
is no
salable commodity; and even when they come to this age they
will not
yield
above three pounds, or three pounds and half-a-crown at most
on the
exchange;
which cannot turn to account either to the parents or kingdom,
the
charge of
nutriment and rags having been at least four times that value.
I
shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I
hope will
not be
liable to the least objection.
I have
been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in
London,
that a
young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most
delicious,
nourishing,
and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled;
and I
make no
doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.
I do
therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the
hundred
and
twenty thousand children already computed, twenty thousand may
be
reserved for
breed, whereof only one-fourth part to be males; which is more
than we
allow to
sheep, black cattle or swine; and my reason is, that these
children are
seldom
the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by
our
savages,
therefore one male will be sufficient to serve four females.
That the
remaining
hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in the sale to
the
persons of
quality and fortune through the kingdom; always advising the
mother to
let them
suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump
and fat
for a
good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment
for
friends; and
when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will
make a
reasonable
dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very
good
boiled on the
fourth day, especially in winter.
I have
reckoned upon a medium that a child just born will weigh 12
pounds, and
in a
solar year, if tolerably nursed, increaseth to 28 pounds.
I
grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very
proper for
landlords,
who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem
to have
the best
title to the children.
Infant's
flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more
plentiful in
March, and a
little before and after; for we are told by a grave author, an
eminent
French
physician, that fish being a prolific diet, there are more
children
born in
Roman Catholic countries about nine months after Lent than at
any other
season;
therefore, reckoning a year after Lent, the markets will be
more
glutted than
usual, because the number of popish infants is at least three
to one in
this
kingdom: and therefore it will have one other collateral
advantage, by
lessening the number of papists among us.
I have
already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in
which list
I reckon
all cottagers, laborers, and four-fifths of the farmers) to be
about
two
shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe no gentleman
would
repine to
give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat child, which,
as I
have said,
will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he
hath only
some
particular friend or his own family to dine with him. Thus the
squire
will
learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his
tenants; the
mother
will have eight shillings net profit, and be fit for work till
she
produces
another child.
Those
who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may
flay the
carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed will make
admirable
gloves for
ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.
As to
our city of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose
in the
most
convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will
not be
wanting;
although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and
dressing
them hot
from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.
A very
worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose virtues
I highly
esteem,
was lately pleased in discoursing on this matter to offer a
refinement
upon my
scheme. He said that many gentlemen of this kingdom, having of
late
destroyed
their deer, he conceived that the want of venison might be
well
supplied by the
bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding fourteen years
of age
nor under
twelve; so great a number of both sexes in every country being
now
ready to
starve for want of work and service; and these to be disposed
of by
their
parents, if alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations.
But with
due
deference to so excellent a friend and so deserving a patriot,
I cannot
be
altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my American
acquaintance
assured me, from frequent experience, that their flesh was
generally
tough and
lean, like that of our schoolboys by continual exercise, and
their
taste
disagreeable; and to fatten them would not answer the charge.
Then as
to the
females, it would, I think, with humble submission be a loss
to the
public,
because they soon would become breeders themselves; and
besides, it is
not
improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to censure
such a
practice
(although indeed very unjustly), as a little bordering upon
cruelty;
which, I
confess, hath always been with me the strongest objection
against any
project,
however so well intended.
But in
order to justify my friend, he confessed that this expedient
was put
into his
head by the famous Psalmanazar, a native of the island
Formosa, who
came from
thence to London above twenty years ago, and in conversation
told my
friend,
that in his country when any young person happened to be put
to death,
the
executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality as a prime
dainty;
and that
in his time the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was
crucified for
an attempt
to poison the emperor, was sold to his imperial majesty's
prime
minister of
state, and other great mandarins of the court, in joints from
the
gibbet, at
four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the
same use
were made
of several plump young girls in this town, who without one
single groat
to
their fortunes cannot stir abroad without a chair, and appear
at
playhouse and
assemblies in foreign fineries which they never will pay for,
the
kingdom would
not be the worse.
Some
persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that
vast
number of
poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed, and I have
been desired
to
employ my thoughts what course may be taken to ease the nation
of so
grievous
an encumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that
matter,
because it is
very well known that they are every day dying and rotting by
cold and
famine,
and filth and vermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected.
And as to
the
young laborers, they are now in as hopeful a condition; they
cannot get
work,
and consequently pine away for want of nourishment, to a
degree that if
at any
time they are accidentally hired to common labor, they have
not
strength to
perform it; and thus the country and themselves are happily
delivered
from the
evils to come.
I have
too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject.
I think
the
advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and
many, as
well as
of the highest importance.
For
first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the
number
of
papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the principal
breeders
of the
nation as well as our most dangerous enemies; and who stay at
home on
purpose
with a design to deliver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping
to take
their
advantage by the absence of so many good protestants, who have
chosen
rather to
leave their country than stay at home and pay tithes against
their
conscience
to an Episcopal curate.
Secondly,
The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their own,
which by
law may
be made liable to distress and help to pay their landlord's
rent, their
corn
and cattle being already seized, and money a thing unknown.
Thirdly,
Whereas the maintenance of an hundred thousand children, from
two years
old and
upward, cannot be computed at less than ten shillings a-piece
per
annum, the
nation's stock will be thereby increased fifty thousand pounds
per
annum,
beside the profit of a new dish introduced to the tables of
all
gentlemen of
fortune in the kingdom who have any refinement in taste. And
the money
will
circulate among ourselves, the goods being entirely of our own
growth
and
manufacture.
Fourthly,
The constant breeders, beside the gain of eight shillings
sterling per
annum by
the sale of their children, will be rid of the charge of
maintaining
them after
the first year. Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great
custom to
taverns; where the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to
procure
the best
receipts for dressing it to perfection, and consequently have
their
houses
frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value
themselves upon
their
knowledge in good eating: and a skilful cook, who understands
how to
oblige his
guests, will contrive to make it as expensive as they please.
Sixthly,
This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise
nations
have
either encouraged by rewards or enforced by laws and
penalties. It
would
increase the care and tenderness of mothers toward their
children, when
they
were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes, provided
in some
sort by
the public, to their annual profit instead of expense. We
should see an
honest
emulation among the married women, which of them could bring
the
fattest child
to the market. Men would become as fond of their wives during
the time
of their
pregnancy as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows
in calf,
their
sows when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick
them (as
is too
frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.
Many
other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the
addition of
some
thousand carcasses in our exportation of barreled beef, the
propagation
of
swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making good
bacon, so much
wanted
among us by the great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our
tables;
which
are no way comparable in taste or magnificence to a
well-grown, fat,
yearling
child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure at
a lord
mayor's
feast or any other public entertainment. But this and many
others I
omit, being
studious of brevity.
Supposing
that one thousand families in this city would be constant
customers for
infants
flesh, besides others who might have it at merry meetings,
particularly
weddings and christenings: I compute that Dublin would take
off
annually about
twenty thousand carcasses, and the rest of the kingdom (where
probably
they
will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.
I can
think of no one that will possibly be raised against this
propasal,
unless it
should be urged that the number of people will be thereby much
lessened
in the
kingdom. This I freely own, and it was indeed one principal
design in
offering
it to the world. I desire the reader will observe, that I
calculated my
remedy
for this one individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other
that ever
was, is,
or, I think, ever can be upon earth. Therefore let no man talk
to me of
other
expedients: Of taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound:
Of using
neither
clothes, nor household furniture, except what is our own
growth and
manufacture:
Of utterly rejecting the materials and instruments that
promote foriegn
luxury:
Of curing the expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, and
gaming in
our
women: Of introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence, and
temperance: Of
learning to love our country, wherein we differ even from
Laplanders,
and the
inhabitants of Tompinamboo: Of quitting our animosities and
factions,
nor act
any longe like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the
very
moment
their city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell
our
country and
consciences for nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at
least one
degree of
mercy towards their tenants. Lastly, of putting a spirit of
honesty,
industry,
into our shopkeepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken
to buy
only our
native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon
us in the
price,
the measure and goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to
make one
fair
propasal of just dealing, though often and ernestly invited to
it.
Therefore
I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the likes
expedients, till
he hath
at least a glimpse of hope that there will ever be some hearty
and
sincere
attempt to put them in practice. But as to myself, having been
wearied
out for
many years with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and
at length
utterly
dispairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this propasal,
which as
it is
wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expense
and
little
trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no
danger in
disobliging England. For this kind of commodity will not bear
exportation, the
flesh being of too tender a consistence to admit a long
continuance in
salt,
although perhaps I could name a country that would be glad to
eat up
our whole
nation without it.
After
all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion as to
reject any
offer
proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent,
cheap,
easy, and
effectual. But before something of that kind shall be advanced
in
contradiction
to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or
authors
will be
pleased maturely to consider two points. First, as things now
stand,
how they
will be able to find food and raiment for an hundred thousand
useless
mouths
and backs. And secondly, there being a round million of
creatures in
human
figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put
into a
common stock
would leave them in debt two millions of pounds sterling,
adding those
who are
beggars by profession to the bulk of farmers, cottagers, and
laborers,
with
their wives and children who are beggars in effect: I desire
those
politicians
who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold as to
attempt an
answer,
that they will first ask the parents of these mortals, whether
they
would not
at this day think it a great happiness to have been sold for
food, at a
year
old in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a
perpetual scene
of misfortunes as they have since gone through by the
oppression of
landlords,
the impossibility of paying rent without money or trade, the
want of
common
sustenance, with neither house nor clothes to cover them from
the
inclemencies
of the weather, and the most inevitable prospect of entailing
the like
or
greater miseries upon their breed for ever.
I
profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the
least
personal
interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work, having
no other
motive
than the public good of my country, by advancing our trade,
providing
for
infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the
rich. I
have no
children by which I can propose to get a single penny; the
youngest
being nine
years old, and my wife past child-bearing.
(1729)
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